One of the men interviewed for the article said, "A lot of the time you have to have someone push you in that direction or plant the seed to get you talking." So, Poetry Friday readers, consider this the seed. You don't have to reveal your secrets here, I'm not asking for that. Humiliation, even after dozens of years, may still hold you back. I encourage you however, to tell your story on paper (or electronic device of choice). Write a poem and say, "Enough!"
Back in 2011 I had the pleasure of being featured in one of Jama Rattigan's series of "Potluck Poets." I shared a recipe for almond bars, a few haiga, and for some reason (probably because I had looked through my high school yearbook), I included a poem that had been sparked by a memory of what happened to me in high school in the 1960s. Yes, we hang on to some memories for much too long. I told Jama, I could still remember the feel of the hand that grabbed, at a most delicate area of my body, from under the bleachers.
Here's my poem again:
POEM
I know I wrote a poem about that
thing that happened back when I
was in high school, you know--
"that thing." I’m sure it happened
to you, too, some comparable
humiliation, violation, embarrassment,
which has stuck with you for more
decades than you’d care to admit.
I’ll find that poem and share
it with you if you’ll share your
poem with me. What, you don’t
have a poem? Oh, I bet it’s there.
Just like a girl in a birthday cake
who waits for the right moment
to jump out and yell "Surprise!"
Think of yourself as the cake.
© Diane Mayr, all rights reserved.
Here's a short one I wrote for today, since I've left that old memory behind:
© Diane Mayr, all rights reserved.
Okay, Cupcake, it's up to you to tell your story. And, if you live in the U. S., it is up to you to vote on November 8! Peace and justice shall prevail!
Please visit Linda at Teacher Dance for the weekly Poetry Friday Round-Up.
Yes, it is a good thing that for many, the topic has been opened. I hope it will continue. I like the image of the cake, and the opening, stopping the secrets. And I like that new one, the ending about being savored, plus overlaying the angels. Perfect. Thanks, Diane.
ReplyDeleteThe realization has been slow in coming, but the pervasiveness of sexual harassment has to be addressed.
DeleteYour seed will grow among the others and stories will be told, Diane. Courageous conversations are taking our breath away these days as we engage in discussions on real happenings. Peace! I'm savoring your Angel Food Cake thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI hope people will now stop blaming themselves for being victimized. I think discussions with allow this to happen.
DeleteThank you, Cupcake. Open dialogue is a good thing. Being triggered isn't. I thought the women who came forward were very brave, only to find themselves re-victimized, as they suspected they would be. You're right, though, Diane, we women can speak out and support each other. I do have such poetry, raw, healing and healed. My cakes aren't angelic, though. They are dark, semi-bitter and molten. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's good to see you have made it through to healed. Healed, but not free of scarring, I'm sure. Choose happiness and keep going.
DeleteI am hoping that things are a bit better now than they were when I was in high school (and I even remember an incident in middle school!). It seems as though school administrators are more alert to it than they used to be, but I am not sure buses are safer than they used to be.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I've heard, the buses still are brutal.
DeleteYes, it's good that people are having these discussions now, no matter how painful. What angers me more than seeing the ones who step forward get re-victimized are the men and women who keep asking, "why didn't they say something before/when it happened?" They just don't get it.
ReplyDeleteGood to see your poem again from the Potluck, and I like the new one too. I am the cake. I am enough just the way I am. :)
And I'll bet you've thrown some spice into your batter! ;-)
DeleteI was very lucky to have been raised with a staunchly feminist father, who taught me from my earliest years that I was a strong, independent female who shouldn't ever take any crap from anyone. It breaks my heart to see young women being blamed and shamed for what they have suffered at the hands of others, and internalizing what's being said about them. Hopefully increased discussions will help initiate cultural and societal changes.
ReplyDeleteAnd we especially need the discussions to center on empathy. We can't tell kids not to do "it" if they can't conceive of how "it" affects another.
DeleteI agree that the open discussions about sexual assault is a healthy byproduct of this election. I had a very frank discussion with my 13y/o daughter after the Trump tapes came out. And I, too, like too many women, have stories of "that thing" from a long time ago. I've written a poem or two on the subject, but they've been hard to share. I am the cake, too, but I am a Pinterest fail cake - lopsided and odd-looking, but still delicious. =)
ReplyDeleteMost people realize that different cakes are worth tasting. Not every cake needs to be the Hostess cupcake of our youthful memories.
DeleteWell, you've certainly got me thinking... about my past. About doors that have been closed, but I can still peek through the dirty windows from time to time. The hardest thing for me to fathom is how many of the "harrassers" don't even recognize their behavior as problematic. Some of the men who I'm thinking about were well-meaning, sweet guys, just completely and utterly clueless about such things. So yes, it's good that we're having the discussion, but I'm also thinking about Brenda's post today and the fact that some folks quite simply don't get it and can't be bothered to listen to "the other side."
ReplyDeleteAnd there's that idea that the victim could have prevented or stopped an assault. Some people refuse to accept that the victim is not responsible for the unlawful actions of the perp.
DeleteDearest Cupcake, thanks for the nudge. The comments on your posted poems and discussion are as interesting as the beautiful words. Most of the discussion in my house is between my spouse and I as we disagree over which candidate should win.....from the look of things we are pretty typical for our age and socio-economic groups.
ReplyDeleteHowever, this election has angered me in multiple ways....the dismissal of the importance of sexual assault being just the tip of the iceberg. Not only do we as a nation need to talk about the important ... but we need to LISTEN to each other. So much talk without listening ears is like the proverbial tree in the forest that feel but no ears were present to hear it. Poetry is a perfect vehicle for voice....I wonder how I can make my poetry also ears to hear.
Good question, Linda. I guess by not being afraid.
DeleteHave you heard Krista Tippet's interview with Natasha Tretheway on "On Being"? They were discussing how poetry can help us all become better citizens. We need to listen to each other and be more tolerant. I was so angry over the words this presidential candidate spoke, but I'm glad you can see the good side. We need to speak up and have our voices heard. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteNo, I'll have to listen online, thank for the recommendation.
Delete